Photographic Retrieval in Progress

Greetings Einsteins!

Dr. Emerson Wiltshire (British)

Today we examine five photos from the vault of the Einstein Crew. We are lucky to have Dr. Emerson Wiltshire (British), esteemed forensic photographic expert, with us today to provide background stories to accompany these fine images! Enjoy!

Einstein Crew: Dr. Wiltshire, could you tell us a bit about this little photographic rendering?

Dr. Wiltshire: At the prior home to S.D. Giles, whilst they move into the new establishment, nooked around the corner from the Perreault residence. In this pictoral, we have one youngerling David Perreault being attacked by beer and whine. Forced under this intoxication, it looks like some kind of creature is eating his hand. This creature could be an ally of the bottles of alcohol. This may explain further problems later on in life.

Einsteins: Now, what on earth is going on here?

Wiltshire: This time or place is unknown to me. It came across the wire and I saw it in astoundment, for Faubert has been overcome by eau-de-toilette monster! I have been told that he did not require the use of toilet paper for the next four weeks, for the shard that he did produce was the silkiest, most bountiful toilet paper you have ever seen, for which he made a small fortune off of on eBay (to fund his research grant into whether babies can taste sound or not).

Wiltshire: I thought it was like, leftover meat remnants... er... AT FIRST INSPECTION, but later inspection through the technology of "Zooming in" I discovered 'twas a box of shots! Not the kind that shoot people either. It is to my conclusion that I am to assume that these two were attacked by a box monster... containing shots...

Einsteins: We notice you've spoken several times about monsters attacking people in these photos. Could this be a common theme in Einstein Crew photographia?

Wiltshire: Not a theme but a constant of the universe.

Einsteins: Monsters?

Wiltshire: Yes. It is the M and E = MC2 (Einstein???)

Wiltshire: Here, we have the night that Maddog won the lottery, and to our surprise won over $72,000,000.

Einsteins: What happened to the money?

Wiltshire: We know it's not talked about much, but all we know is that Maddog went to Vegas and stayed up with some extremely highly paid Benezuelan prostitutes.

Einsteins: What is Benezuela?

Wiltshire: ...

Einsteins: Are you really a doctor? Doctor of what? How are you qualified at all?

Wiltshire: This is not to be discussed. This should have all been stated in the contract?

Einsteins: Well then! Good thing we only have one more picture to examine. So without further ado...

Einsteins: Is he flying on a ray beam here?

Wiltshire: Of course he's flying on a ray beam. Paterson was quite well known for embracing technology hence flying on his ray beam in this photograph, although his pants did light on fire that night and he lost most of his lower legs. It was still a sweet night and a night he'll never forget... but his legs got better.

Einsteins: Well, this has been quite an interview. Where did you say you're from?

Wiltshire: Welkinshire.

Einsteins: See, that's not a real place either! Do you just enjoy saying fake place names?

Wiltshire: Just as much as you enjoy questioning my vernacular vocabulatron.

Einsteins: Wow. Thanks Dr. Wiltshire!