Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Photographic Retrieval in Progress
Greetings Einsteins!
Today we examine five photos from the vault of the Einstein Crew. We are lucky to have Dr. Emerson Wiltshire (British), esteemed forensic photographic expert, with us today to provide background stories to accompany these fine images! Enjoy!
Einstein Crew: Dr. Wiltshire, could you tell us a bit about this little photographic rendering?
Dr. Wiltshire: At the prior home to S.D. Giles, whilst they move into the new establishment, nooked around the corner from the Perreault residence. In this pictoral, we have one youngerling David Perreault being attacked by beer and whine. Forced under this intoxication, it looks like some kind of creature is eating his hand. This creature could be an ally of the bottles of alcohol. This may explain further problems later on in life.
Einsteins: Now, what on earth is going on here?
Wiltshire: This time or place is unknown to me. It came across the wire and I saw it in astoundment, for Faubert has been overcome by eau-de-toilette monster! I have been told that he did not require the use of toilet paper for the next four weeks, for the shard that he did produce was the silkiest, most bountiful toilet paper you have ever seen, for which he made a small fortune off of on eBay (to fund his research grant into whether babies can taste sound or not).
Wiltshire: I thought it was like, leftover meat remnants... er... AT FIRST INSPECTION, but later inspection through the technology of "Zooming in" I discovered 'twas a box of shots! Not the kind that shoot people either. It is to my conclusion that I am to assume that these two were attacked by a box monster... containing shots...
Einsteins: We notice you've spoken several times about monsters attacking people in these photos. Could this be a common theme in Einstein Crew photographia?
Wiltshire: Not a theme but a constant of the universe.
Einsteins: Monsters?
Wiltshire: Yes. It is the M and E = MC2 (Einstein???)
Wiltshire: Here, we have the night that Maddog won the lottery, and to our surprise won over $72,000,000.
Einsteins: What happened to the money?
Wiltshire: We know it's not talked about much, but all we know is that Maddog went to Vegas and stayed up with some extremely highly paid Benezuelan prostitutes.
Einsteins: What is Benezuela?
Wiltshire: ...
Einsteins: Are you really a doctor? Doctor of what? How are you qualified at all?
Wiltshire: This is not to be discussed. This should have all been stated in the contract?
Einsteins: Well then! Good thing we only have one more picture to examine. So without further ado...
Einsteins: Is he flying on a ray beam here?
Wiltshire: Of course he's flying on a ray beam. Paterson was quite well known for embracing technology hence flying on his ray beam in this photograph, although his pants did light on fire that night and he lost most of his lower legs. It was still a sweet night and a night he'll never forget... but his legs got better.
Einsteins: Well, this has been quite an interview. Where did you say you're from?
Wiltshire: Welkinshire.
Einsteins: See, that's not a real place either! Do you just enjoy saying fake place names?
Wiltshire: Just as much as you enjoy questioning my vernacular vocabulatron.
Einsteins: Wow. Thanks Dr. Wiltshire!
 |
| Dr. Emerson Wiltshire (British) |
Einstein Crew: Dr. Wiltshire, could you tell us a bit about this little photographic rendering?
Dr. Wiltshire: At the prior home to S.D. Giles, whilst they move into the new establishment, nooked around the corner from the Perreault residence. In this pictoral, we have one youngerling David Perreault being attacked by beer and whine. Forced under this intoxication, it looks like some kind of creature is eating his hand. This creature could be an ally of the bottles of alcohol. This may explain further problems later on in life.
Wiltshire: This time or place is unknown to me. It came across the wire and I saw it in astoundment, for Faubert has been overcome by eau-de-toilette monster! I have been told that he did not require the use of toilet paper for the next four weeks, for the shard that he did produce was the silkiest, most bountiful toilet paper you have ever seen, for which he made a small fortune off of on eBay (to fund his research grant into whether babies can taste sound or not).
Wiltshire: I thought it was like, leftover meat remnants... er... AT FIRST INSPECTION, but later inspection through the technology of "Zooming in" I discovered 'twas a box of shots! Not the kind that shoot people either. It is to my conclusion that I am to assume that these two were attacked by a box monster... containing shots...
Einsteins: We notice you've spoken several times about monsters attacking people in these photos. Could this be a common theme in Einstein Crew photographia?
Wiltshire: Not a theme but a constant of the universe.
Einsteins: Monsters?
Wiltshire: Yes. It is the M and E = MC2 (Einstein???)
Einsteins: What happened to the money?
Wiltshire: We know it's not talked about much, but all we know is that Maddog went to Vegas and stayed up with some extremely highly paid Benezuelan prostitutes.
Einsteins: What is Benezuela?
Wiltshire: ...
Einsteins: Are you really a doctor? Doctor of what? How are you qualified at all?
Wiltshire: This is not to be discussed. This should have all been stated in the contract?
Einsteins: Well then! Good thing we only have one more picture to examine. So without further ado...
Einsteins: Is he flying on a ray beam here?
Wiltshire: Of course he's flying on a ray beam. Paterson was quite well known for embracing technology hence flying on his ray beam in this photograph, although his pants did light on fire that night and he lost most of his lower legs. It was still a sweet night and a night he'll never forget... but his legs got better.
Einsteins: Well, this has been quite an interview. Where did you say you're from?
Wiltshire: Welkinshire.
Einsteins: See, that's not a real place either! Do you just enjoy saying fake place names?
Wiltshire: Just as much as you enjoy questioning my vernacular vocabulatron.
Einsteins: Wow. Thanks Dr. Wiltshire!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Beedeer!
OK, so more Einstein content is coming soon, I promise. I've been playing a show this month and things have gotten totally crazy! So, there will be photos and answering machine messages and many more wonderful things in the coming weeks.
But for now, enjoy Beedeer!
But for now, enjoy Beedeer!
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Paterson Fined $62,125 Over World Series Tickets
Thanks to Diva for alerting us of Paterson's recent ethics violations! We hope he gets locked up!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Goose and Gander
What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.
Mmmmm. . . Goose
Goose?
Ya Goose!
Are you sure?
Yes.
And Gander?
I think so.
Well then.
Ya.
What about elephants?
Who the hell eats elephants?
Oh were talking about edible things.
Well I'd assume so, what else would ya put sauce on?
Ummm. . . A sauce pan.
Don't be stupid.
Well ya don't eat sauce pans now do ya, but ya do put sauce on them.
I think it's more like in them, then on them. Don't you?
Ok. . . ok, but it's not really to put on the goose or gander, the saying is sauce for the goose or gander.
Well what does a goose eat.
Goose food?
What's in goose food?
Ummm. . . Seed and stuff like that, I should think.
Who the hell puts sauce on seeds?
Gees and ganders aparintly. I guess they just go to the store and buy this sauce for there goose food?
Geese don't go to the store and buy things you idiot!
How do you know that?
Oh don't be retarded! Actually when I think about it, they don't even eat seeds. Don't they eat fish?
FISH! There not Gad dam whales!
Whales aren't the only aniamls that eat fish. We eat fish.
Ahhh.. Garry?
What?
What do you think that thing is on your back.
It's my wind indacator.
It's growing out of your back!!
I have a birth defect ok. I'm kinda sensitive about it.
Your a Whale Garry, and so am I.
What whales can't speak english.
Ya guess you got me there.
Fuddy Duddy
Here's your first taste of what's to come from the Einstein Crew Blogatorium.
We proudly present the masterpiece "Fuddy Duddy", rendered by our own Little Melted Shitface Boy.
In case you're unfamiliar with this classic, it is an excerpt of a conversation Uncle Dave had with Jeremy over the telephone.
Stay tuned for:
- Photos (old and new)
- Messages from Dave's answering machine
- Footage from the Skandal Home Video, Operation Dumbo Drop
- Pages from "Uncle Dave's Thoughts", a book which was thought to be out of print but has been uncovered in original manuscript form
And much, much more. This is only the beginning. Send us your footage and pics and we'll put them up!
We proudly present the masterpiece "Fuddy Duddy", rendered by our own Little Melted Shitface Boy.
In case you're unfamiliar with this classic, it is an excerpt of a conversation Uncle Dave had with Jeremy over the telephone.
Stay tuned for:
- Photos (old and new)
- Messages from Dave's answering machine
- Footage from the Skandal Home Video, Operation Dumbo Drop
- Pages from "Uncle Dave's Thoughts", a book which was thought to be out of print but has been uncovered in original manuscript form
And much, much more. This is only the beginning. Send us your footage and pics and we'll put them up!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Welcome Einsteins!
You have stumbled across the official website of the Einstein Crew (in Kingston, Ontario).
Since our humble beginnings, the Einstein crew has expanded and has now travelled off to every corner of the globe. So, we have created this blog in order to keep track of what everyone's up to, and also to post Einstein-related content, old and new!
If you are a member of the Einstein crew, send an update at einsteinsblog@gmail.com and we'll post it here! We'll be adding more pictures, videos, informative articles, songs, Spencer rant transcriptions, old answering machine messages, and the like, so send us what you have in that department too!
Lastly, if anyone would like to be a regular contributor, tell us that too. You could make a video update, or write an informative article, or tell an old story or anything you like!
Since our humble beginnings, the Einstein crew has expanded and has now travelled off to every corner of the globe. So, we have created this blog in order to keep track of what everyone's up to, and also to post Einstein-related content, old and new!
If you are a member of the Einstein crew, send an update at einsteinsblog@gmail.com and we'll post it here! We'll be adding more pictures, videos, informative articles, songs, Spencer rant transcriptions, old answering machine messages, and the like, so send us what you have in that department too!
Lastly, if anyone would like to be a regular contributor, tell us that too. You could make a video update, or write an informative article, or tell an old story or anything you like!
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